Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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