Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my shit smells like andre
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
