i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
