Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
