Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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