i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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