Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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