The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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