Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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