im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
