Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
