If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
