Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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