it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is it penis luge time yet?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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