just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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