you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
