I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
