She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
