3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
