she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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