So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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