So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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