You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
