If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
