it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
