so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
