I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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