I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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