I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
