dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
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You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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