fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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