How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
