I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
