you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
