Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
