Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
ttyl tear gas
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
