Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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