Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
