i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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