Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I had to cum in my sink.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
