I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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