I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
