She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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