found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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