according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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