Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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