We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
