She's JV to your varsity
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
