Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
