so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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