Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
