I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
