wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
