I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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