You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
