and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
