I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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