There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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