How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
