I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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