In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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