Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
